Let's Just Say the Word
Divorce. There. We said it.
What does that single word actually conjure up for you? We bet your list is long: worry, fear, exhaustion, feeling worthless, sadness, anger, pain, avoidance. These feelings are absolutely normal, and you are not alone in them.
We’re hearing that the divorce rate is dropping, sitting around 41%. While that sounds like great news, we have to ask: Is the rate truly dropping because couples have genuinely fixed things, or because too many have decided to stay married “for the kids” or just “for the optics”?
If you find yourself stuck in that latter situation, we gently encourage you to rethink the importance of what anyone else thinks of your choices. Instead, let’s focus on how you will be affected by staying in a marriage that is anything less than great.
Because at the end of the day, you deserve better. You deserve a loving, kind, fulfilling life. And that starts with you—with believing and betting on yourself. If there are children involved, that’s all the more reason to forge a life for yourself that genuinely brings you joy.
Editing Your Own Story
The critical question now is: Who are you going to decide to be in this new space?
That old trope of the 2.5 kids and the white picket fence doesn’t serve anyone today, unless you can honestly say you are 100% fulfilled and happy living there. If that picture speaks to your truth, and you and your partner are truly a team, that is wonderful.
But if your current space isn’t serving you, and you’re busy trying to measure up to some old guideline, then we ask you to consider the alternative. Maybe there’s a better way outside the confines of the box you’re currently looking out from. Maybe the entire story doesn’t need to be rewritten—it just needs some serious edits.
Moving Past the Victim Trap
It’s easy to feel like a victim. It’s so easy to ask, “Why is this happening to me?”
But what experience, time, and space eventually teach is that the sweet spot is moving from “why” to “what now.” It’s about being able to own what happened and then deciding how you’ll make it to the other side. The question becomes: This happened. Now what are you going to do to move on from here?
Sure, you must make time for the pity party. Absolutely make time for the grief and the shame, or whatever it’s going to take for you to own that truth and that story. It takes time. But the power shift happens when you decide to take the pen and start editing.
Ready to Write Your Next Chapter?
Divorce: Do it Differently (Use the code ‘substack20’ for 20% off) was created for this very reason. It is the guide that moves you from “why” to “what now.” We know that the investment—in time, emotion, and money—will be profoundly beneficial for you and your family. “Future you” will be grateful you took this step.